ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
201	What do you get when you cross a sheep stealer with royalty? Mutton Looter King
202	An Indian redditor gets an arranged marriage. He turns to his partner and says: "Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!"
203	What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? ..........Nothing you've already told her twice!
204	I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's "The Final Countdown" during the last 30 seconds.
205	Did you hear about the skeleton who didn't go to prom? He had no body to go with.
206	What do you call it when a jugaloo sleeps with his girlfriend after a fight? Make up sex.
207	How does a baboon make phone calls? He just monkeys around on the line!
208	Kids are like farts. You don't mind your own, but others peoples are just unbearable
209	Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse. But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realised I'd hit rock bottom.
210	I milked the cow "We don't have a cow" the neighbors' cow then "Their cat?" Pretty sure it was a cow he was saying moo "Meow" Ah shoot
211	Dear Shirtless Guy in his Profile Pic, You REALLY want to impress girls? Get a job & pose in front of your cubicle.
212	The IRA have been fighting for Irish reunification since the 70s. . . All they needed to do was vote for the Conservatives.
213	How many Reddit admins does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they like to keep the mods in the dark.
214	Why is Chapstick so popular? Cause it's the balm baby!
215	What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.
216	If I was antisocial I wouldn't have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
217	What's a sluts favourite drink? 7 Up in Cider
218	Facebook buys Instagram for one billion?!? Idiots!! They could have downloaded it from the app store for .99 cents..
219	I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.
220	I want to make a series about the murder of an airline crew but I still have to shoot the pilot.
221	My friend always wanted to work in animation, but never got past the interview He just couldn't understand the difference between a professional "colorist" and a professional "racist"
222	[sees a zebra for the first time] What's up with that horse? [sees a giraffe for the first time] Okay, what the hell is going on today?
223	so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change. Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!
224	You're so fat and unfunny... that the only punchlines you have are stained on your shirt.
225	A kiss will make her day But anal will make her hole weak
226	Glue is weird it's all like hey I want to stick these pieces of paper together wait I have an idea hand me that dead horse
227	Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence
228	Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I'm "the one," but isn't talking to a police officer.
229	Some people say Glenn Frey got pneumonia from the cold... But that can't be true because he said the Heat is On.
230	A duck walks up to a prostitute.... And says, "put it on my bill"
231	What is the best part about having sex with 23 year olds? There's 20 of them. (Works better in person)
232	My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.
233	What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake? Get off me, homes.
234	"You're a unit of power Joe." "I'm a Watt?"
235	I once bought an e. e. cummings poem collection.. It was the worst game of Mad Libs ever.
236	Why is it that the more numbers someone has in their e-mail address, the less I respect them?
237	What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Shut the door im dressing
238	My bank account status is more scary than the Conjuring!
239	If you ever need help learning C++, I can give you some pointers. And you can keep me as a reference.
240	What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room? You made the chain too long in the kitchen.
241	A good rule of thumb is to never be in Liam Neeson's movie family.
242	If you pour two beers in one glass, it's just one beer.
243	Why was the baby ant so confused? Because all of his uncles were ants!
244	Don't buy whitening toothpaste It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days. 15 days have come and gone... and I am still asian.
245	After the Thanksgiving dinner, everyone says (-1)/8
246	Simba - "welcome to... The bone zone" Nala - "the what?" Simba - "elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard"
247	How are doctors so well tempered even under heavy stress? They have a lot of patients
248	I wonder if dog's had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture.
249	Why are Native Americans the most successfull strippers? Because when they dance, they make it rain.
250	My ex-girlfriend was a slut. She bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie. edit: Going through a potential breakup, so if you see this, this isnt about you, babe. Dont leave me, please.
251	Why Did the Ebola Patient Cross the Road? Trick question. There are no roads in Africa.
252	ME: Haha you can tell them any name and they have to say it BARISTA: I have a latte for "A Person Who Deserves Love"? ME [crying]: Hahaha
253	Peter Pan escaped the adult world... ...by becoming an alcoholic. He goes by Peter the Panhandler now.
254	How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard
255	My Grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
256	You just know I knew my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load early last night....I could see it in her eyes
257	FOR SALE: Faulty Guitar. No strings attached.
258	An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfit fanatic walk into a bar... Who talks more?
259	How is light beer like having sex in a canoe? They're both fucking close to water.
260	How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles. I'll see myself out.
261	What do you get when you cross an insomniac, agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
262	What do you call a number that won't sit still? A roamin' numeral. :P
263	Where do drinks go on vacation? Coaster Rica
264	I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed at me. Not my fault they don't have Windows.
265	I left Stephen Hawking like 8 voice mail messages before I realised he'd picked up every time.
266	My terrible Joke but I never forget it. A dyslexic man walked into a bra....
267	What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to? Elementary :)
268	Believe it or not, my wife and I were actually matched on Tinder. We'd been married for 12 years.
269	I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. This kid working at Baskin Robbins is pretty scared. Now he's crying in the corner.
270	So a Trabi owner pulls up to a gas station... ...and says to the attendant: "Two windscreen wipers for my Trabi please." The attendant replies: "That sounds like a good deal!"
271	How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, because they'll just beat the room for being black!
272	Coffee so good it helps a little old lady cross the street.
273	Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning.
274	What did nazi pilots eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles
275	So a blind man walks into a bar He hurts himself pretty badly.
276	If you're not one of the first five boys in the yard, you almost never get a milkshake.
277	sometimes i visit websites that have videos of people making love
278	Why aren't Tyler Perry movies for the light-hearted? They're dark comedies.
279	Every woman I've ever been with only saw me the way they wanted to see me... ...in their rearview mirror.
280	How do you tell the circumference of a pecan Pecan pi
281	How do you figure out which contestant in a Ms. America pageant is a prostitute? Look for the one with the sash that says "I da ho".
282	Ethiopian Cuisine... is a bit bland. It tastes like nothing.
283	I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What's not to like?
284	[Google search history] Moles How to kill moles How to make homemade bombs Rescue moles from cave-in Dealing with regret Mole stew
285	A guy walks into a bar... Ouch.
286	Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. And then it hit me.
287	When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
288	[Ouija board] Spirits are you there? U R C U T E D O Y O U H A V E K I K flips board
289	Not being able to read because your book ran out of batteries is a pretty hilarious first-world problem.
290	My internet connection on my farm was be terrible until I moved the router in the horse barn. Now I have stable WiFi.
291	Putting captions in the wrong place You know what I hate the most...?
292	What does a sheep call a film it doesn't like? a baaahhhd movie. ( )
293	An irishman walks out of a bar...
294	Brexit There is a new slimming product in town. It is called Brexit. It'll help you lose a lot of pounds.
295	Orange Julius is the third best thing to happen to oranges behind mimosas and the "orange you glad I didn't say banana" knock knock joke
296	What is a bear's favourite drink ? Koka-Koala !
297	Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants? Incase he gets a hole in one
298	How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.
299	What is the favorite food joint of dubstep makers? Sub-WUB-WUB-WUB-way
300	Two fish are in a tank... One is driving, and the other is manning the guns.

201

What do you get when you cross a sheep stealer with royalty? Mutton Looter King

202

An Indian redditor gets an arranged marriage. He turns to his partner and says: "Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!"

203

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? ..........Nothing you've already told her twice!

204

I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's "The Final Countdown" during the last 30 seconds.

205

Did you hear about the skeleton who didn't go to prom? He had no body to go with.

206

What do you call it when a jugaloo sleeps with his girlfriend after a fight? Make up sex.

207

How does a baboon make phone calls? He just monkeys around on the line!

208

Kids are like farts. You don't mind your own, but others peoples are just unbearable

209

Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse. But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realised I'd hit rock bottom.

210

I milked the cow "We don't have a cow" the neighbors' cow then "Their cat?" Pretty sure it was a cow he was saying moo "Meow" Ah shoot

211

Dear Shirtless Guy in his Profile Pic, You REALLY want to impress girls? Get a job & pose in front of your cubicle.

212

The IRA have been fighting for Irish reunification since the 70s. . . All they needed to do was vote for the Conservatives.

213

How many Reddit admins does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they like to keep the mods in the dark.

214

Why is Chapstick so popular? Cause it's the balm baby!

215

What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.

216

If I was antisocial I wouldn't have just ordered a pizza over the phone.

217

What's a sluts favourite drink? 7 Up in Cider

218

Facebook buys Instagram for one billion?!? Idiots!! They could have downloaded it from the app store for .99 cents..

219

I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

220

I want to make a series about the murder of an airline crew but I still have to shoot the pilot.

221

My friend always wanted to work in animation, but never got past the interview He just couldn't understand the difference between a professional "colorist" and a professional "racist"

222

[sees a zebra for the first time] What's up with that horse? [sees a giraffe for the first time] Okay, what the hell is going on today?

223

so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change. Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!

224

You're so fat and unfunny... that the only punchlines you have are stained on your shirt.

225

A kiss will make her day But anal will make her hole weak

226

Glue is weird it's all like hey I want to stick these pieces of paper together wait I have an idea hand me that dead horse

227

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence

228

Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I'm "the one," but isn't talking to a police officer.

229

Some people say Glenn Frey got pneumonia from the cold... But that can't be true because he said the Heat is On.

230

A duck walks up to a prostitute.... And says, "put it on my bill"

231

What is the best part about having sex with 23 year olds? There's 20 of them. (Works better in person)

232

My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.

233

What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake? Get off me, homes.

234

"You're a unit of power Joe." "I'm a Watt?"

235

I once bought an e. e. cummings poem collection.. It was the worst game of Mad Libs ever.

236

Why is it that the more numbers someone has in their e-mail address, the less I respect them?

237

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Shut the door im dressing

238

My bank account status is more scary than the Conjuring!

239

If you ever need help learning C++, I can give you some pointers. And you can keep me as a reference.

240

What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room? You made the chain too long in the kitchen.

241

A good rule of thumb is to never be in Liam Neeson's movie family.

242

If you pour two beers in one glass, it's just one beer.

243

Why was the baby ant so confused? Because all of his uncles were ants!

244

Don't buy whitening toothpaste It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days. 15 days have come and gone... and I am still asian.

245

After the Thanksgiving dinner, everyone says (-1)/8

246

Simba - "welcome to... The bone zone" Nala - "the what?" Simba - "elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard"

247

How are doctors so well tempered even under heavy stress? They have a lot of patients

248

I wonder if dog's had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture.

249

Why are Native Americans the most successfull strippers? Because when they dance, they make it rain.

250

My ex-girlfriend was a slut. She bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie. edit: Going through a potential breakup, so if you see this, this isnt about you, babe. Dont leave me, please.

251

Why Did the Ebola Patient Cross the Road? Trick question. There are no roads in Africa.

252

ME: Haha you can tell them any name and they have to say it BARISTA: I have a latte for "A Person Who Deserves Love"? ME [crying]: Hahaha

253

Peter Pan escaped the adult world... ...by becoming an alcoholic. He goes by Peter the Panhandler now.

254

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard

255

My Grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

256

You just know I knew my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load early last night....I could see it in her eyes

257

FOR SALE: Faulty Guitar. No strings attached.

258

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfit fanatic walk into a bar... Who talks more?

259

How is light beer like having sex in a canoe? They're both fucking close to water.

260

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles. I'll see myself out.

261

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

262

What do you call a number that won't sit still? A roamin' numeral. :P

263

Where do drinks go on vacation? Coaster Rica

264

I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed at me. Not my fault they don't have Windows.

265

I left Stephen Hawking like 8 voice mail messages before I realised he'd picked up every time.

266

My terrible Joke but I never forget it. A dyslexic man walked into a bra....

267

What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to? Elementary :)

268

Believe it or not, my wife and I were actually matched on Tinder. We'd been married for 12 years.

269

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. This kid working at Baskin Robbins is pretty scared. Now he's crying in the corner.

270

So a Trabi owner pulls up to a gas station... ...and says to the attendant: "Two windscreen wipers for my Trabi please." The attendant replies: "That sounds like a good deal!"

271

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, because they'll just beat the room for being black!

272

Coffee so good it helps a little old lady cross the street.

273

Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning.

274

What did nazi pilots eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles

275

So a blind man walks into a bar He hurts himself pretty badly.

276

If you're not one of the first five boys in the yard, you almost never get a milkshake.

277

sometimes i visit websites that have videos of people making love

278

Why aren't Tyler Perry movies for the light-hearted? They're dark comedies.

279

Every woman I've ever been with only saw me the way they wanted to see me... ...in their rearview mirror.

280

How do you tell the circumference of a pecan Pecan pi

281

How do you figure out which contestant in a Ms. America pageant is a prostitute? Look for the one with the sash that says "I da ho".

282

Ethiopian Cuisine... is a bit bland. It tastes like nothing.

283

I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What's not to like?

284

[Google search history] Moles How to kill moles How to make homemade bombs Rescue moles from cave-in Dealing with regret Mole stew

285

A guy walks into a bar... Ouch.

286

Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. And then it hit me.

287

When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.

288

[Ouija board] Spirits are you there? U R C U T E D O Y O U H A V E K I K *flips board*

289

Not being able to read because your book ran out of batteries is a pretty hilarious first-world problem.

290

My internet connection on my farm was be terrible until I moved the router in the horse barn. Now I have stable WiFi.

291

Putting captions in the wrong place You know what I hate the most...?

292

What does a sheep call a film it doesn't like? a baaahhhd movie. ( )

293

An irishman walks out of a bar...

294

Brexit There is a new slimming product in town. It is called Brexit. It'll help you lose a lot of pounds.

295

Orange Julius is the third best thing to happen to oranges behind mimosas and the "orange you glad I didn't say banana" knock knock joke

296

What is a bear's favourite drink ? Koka-Koala !

297

Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants? Incase he gets a hole in one

298

How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.

299

What is the favorite food joint of dubstep makers? Sub-WUB-WUB-WUB-way

300

Two fish are in a tank... One is driving, and the other is manning the guns.